WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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