ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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