go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
