i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
