Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If I die, sorry about rent.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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