Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
