words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
