I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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