I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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