Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
