Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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