Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
