she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
