this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
