so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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