Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
