After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
