so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Randomize
