When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
