i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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