In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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