Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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