garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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