i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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