end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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