OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
