when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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