Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
