tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
