She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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