I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
