You just made me feel so damn special
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
