sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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