I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he fucked my hip out of place.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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