just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
