I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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