but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
