it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
