apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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