wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
