yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
