real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
