I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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