she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
