I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
