All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
