i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
