He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
