He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
