I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
