so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
