And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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