come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
