I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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