I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
