I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
