Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
