According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
